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Lennie Lower (1903-47) was an Australian humor writer. Here are some samples from his columns in the Australian Women’s Weekly, written during the Depression and WW2. See Humour in the Weekly, published by Currey O’Neil in 1983.

On inventions: I said to Marconi only the other day, we inventors don’t get any kudos for our inventions. And I love kudos. With a dash of tomato sauce they are delicious.

On sleeping compartments in trains: The upper berth has its advantages in that when getting into it one can place the foot firmly on the face of the occupant of the lower berth, beg his pardon, place the other foot on his stomach, request another slab of pardon, and so to bed.

On chess: We were playing at Geneva and the continual brawling among the players upset the League of Nations to such an extent that they applied sanctions to me and my grandfather. And once you get a sanction on you it’s very hard to get it off. I tried kerosene and cloudy ammonia, and even sandpaper, but you can still see signs of it on me now. 

On pets: I only had one camel, called Cedric. He used to wait at the gate for me when I came home from work. The only trouble I had with him was that when he laid down in front of the fireplace there was no room for anyone else in the place. Many’s the night I’ve spent out on the verandah.

 On exercise: Exercise is the great thing. Try standing with the feet apart and swinging the arms around madly for half an hour. Have an ambulance waiting outside. When being carried out on the stretcher, let the arms relax and drag along the ground. This soothes the tendons and gets rid of superfluous flesh off the knuckles.

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