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Maurie Fields p3

Some more samples from Leave ’em Laughing, a 1995 collection of jokes gathered by Maurie Fields, an Australian vaudeville performer and actor. 

AND the Lord spoke unto Moses, and said: “Moses, I have good news and I have bad news. For too long have my people suffered in the land of Egypt, and I have chosen you to lead them out of bondage and into the Promised Land. And so that you may do this, I will visit famine and pestilence upon the Egyptians.

“Their crops will fail, their cattle will die, they will be afflicted with all manner of ailments.

“The Nile will run dry, and in the confusion you will gather my people together and lead them to the shores of the Red Sea.

“And behold, I will part the waters that my people may cross in safety and then I will roll back the waters so the Egyptians cannot follow.

“And as my people wander in the wilderness, I will spread manna for them to eat.”

“That’s wonderful, Lord,” said Moses. “But what’s the bad news?”

“First,” said the Lord, “you, Moses, have to prepare the environmental impact statement.”


A LITTLE boy had returned home after an outing with his father.

“Well, dear, how did you like the zoo?” asked the boy’s mother.

“Oh, it was really great!” replied the boy. “And Dad liked it too – especially when one of the animals came racing home at 30 to one.”


POLITICIANS, like nappies, should be changed often. And for the same reason.


– See Leave ’em Laughing, by Maurie Fields, published 1995. This joke book would be useful for comedians and other comedy writers, to see how to write good gags. And this style of joke used to be told often in conversation; they made good ice breakers. Hopefully the younger generation can keep them going with their own spin on things.