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The Meanderings of Oswald p2

Here are some old gags from The Meanderings of Oswald, published 1943…

There was also the learned judge who was travelling in company with an eminent lawyer. An old gentleman fo patriarchal appearance, with whom the lawyer exchanged greetings, got on the bus, and the judge, a very keen teetotaller, whispered to the lawyer: “Who is the old gentleman?” “Oh, that’s Mr –,” the lawyer whispered back. “Drinks a lot, doesn’t he?” inquired the judge. “Well, yes, he likes a spot all right.” “How old is he?” pursued the judge. “Ninety,” said the lawyer. “H’m. The drink will kill him yet,” the judge portentiously pronounced.

A friend of mine had to speak at a banquet. The next day I asked him if they liked his speech. “Rather!” he said. “When I sat down everybody applauded and said it was the best thing I’d ever done.”

And there was the passenger who took the wind out of the conductor’s sails when, in answer to the official’s remonstrance about smoking in a non-smoking compartment, said: “Sure, mate. The ‘No Smoking’ sign’s plain enough. But here’s another daft sign that says ‘Wear Berlei Corsets,’ so I ain’t paying attention to that.”

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